Dainesville, MO – First responders arrived at the Institution of Marriage late Friday morning after receiving multiple reports of a fire engulfing the building.
Upon arrival, firefighters discovered that the blaze had already consumed and incinerated the building and its inhabitants, leaving a vacant lot where the revered Institution once stood.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Dan Ramos, a Lieutenant with the Dainesville Fire Department who was among the first to appear on scene. “Even the worst fires leave something behind – walls, foundation, an ashy residue. This one swallowed the building whole. It’s like it never existed.”
Witnesses described a roaring, funnel-shaped plume of smoke and flames erupting at the base of the building and rising to tower high over city streets. According to neighboring resident Ryan Glover, the inferno sparked to life of its own volition as the Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage was televised that morning.
“I saw the verdict on CNN, and the next thing you know, whoosh!” said Glover. “The whole place went up in smoke. Which is weird, because I always thought it was supposed to crumble.”
First responders were soon rushed away from the scene by reports of a quickly unraveling Moral Fabric.
Metawhimsical 